My Immortal: A read through
by Dennis Creevy
Summary: The Worst Fanfic ever written. It is a challenge every Fanfic reader must attempt at some point, I have stepped up to take the challenge, wish me luck as I traverse and comment on the trainwreck that is My Immortal.
1. Chapter 1

**So, like many others before me I have decided to tackle the monumental fanfiction right of passage that is My Immortal, and I've decided to post my thoughts on it up here, I've had friends who have attempted to complete this fic, and there now vegetables in a hospital somewhere. Now without further ado I present my immortal.**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)**(Really? I'd never have guessed)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **(What spelling? I've never seen so many red squiggles)** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **(MCR? Who are they?)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(Your Mum knew your hair would be "ebony" before you were born?)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(What in god's name are limpid tears?)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)**(I don't know who she is... but I shall carry on reading regardless)**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** (No one told me this thing had incest?)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin . I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth **(ORLY?)** (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **(We don't have Hot Topic in England. In fact we don't have any big brand of gothic/punk shop... I think)** and I buy all my clothes from there **(All the way from the USA?)**. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots ***AHEM* Slut *AHEM***. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation** (If she is so pale why does she need foundation?)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(I can tell you are a simply charming girl already)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(That was the most pointless dialogue I've seen since I read Your life with Ron Weasley, do not read it, its simply excruciating)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(Say Fangz again and I will bludgeon you to death with a biro) **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(Tara, Tara, Tara, the people flaming your story are not "Preps" they are people who come on this website to read good stuff perhaps?)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again **(That's called sleet.)**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends **(I thought Goths were all dark and shiz, and since when was hot pink gothic?)**. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears **(Jesus Christ, 8 piercings in your ears?)**, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(I'm sick of reading about ruddy clothes already)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.** (The Slytherin common room connects straight to the great hall now, wonderful, she's even messing with the castle's layout.)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(Who are Good Charlotte? Some American band?)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(So is MCR... My Chemical Romance then? Would it have killed her to type that out once?)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(Shocking, What a cliffy) **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! Odderwize** (She can't even spell otherwise, and my Office has become so depressed with the spelling it is now auto correcting)** fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.** (ORLY?)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **(SICK OF CLOTHES!)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **(I think you seriously need a councillor or a therapist or some shiz)** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway** (That's exactly what I said 2 chapters ago.)**. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **(WOAH... Hold up. Draco who despises everything muggle has a muggle veichal? Bloody hell what strange world is this?)**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt **(Right, I quite like Simple Plan and I feel the need to point out, they are not a gothic band, they are punk, and pop-punk at that)** (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(Name 5)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **(God I hate people who don't even bother to Google things about England before writing, you need at least 2 letters and 5 or 6 digits on a number plate, I know I'm being pedantic, but we all have peeves) **and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club **(I thought it was outside?)** with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(Oh Tara, Hilary Duff is quite pretty as I remember, try to redirect all those pent up emotions into a hobby or something, maybe pottery?)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(Wow, the suspense is killing me)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(You might want to rethink that statement love)** nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(Liberal use of the word fuck in this chapter)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(Seriously? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Is this for real? Jesus Christ, I think the human race should make its self sterile before we produce another Tara)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore! **(Finally the origin of my profile picture revealed!)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(Good luck with Tara dear, Broadmoor is just crying out for you)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **(What about the flying Mercedes?)**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(Oh Dear, thats obviously never happened in the history of Hogwarts ever, especially not in the Forbidden Forest or broom cupboards.)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**(She must have a Beta after all, everything was spelt right except Ludicrous, even if there is absolutely no plot at all, anyway, thats enough for tonight, its 2AM, shall carry on tomorrow, Nightie Night)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heh, its been a while, I was so traumatised by the first 5 chapters I've spent 6 months rocking slowly in a corner, while doing my GCSEs...**

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(Good to know Tara is on form with her excellent spelling)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP MUMMY!)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk **(They just serve blood in the great hall? Wow. Hogwarts is going downhill) **, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!"** (Knee jerk reactions are never good)** I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(Oh God no... PLEASE NO!)** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English **(ORLY? In a school located in Scotland that has a mainly English intake?)** accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden **(If he has Tara's affections... I feel for him)**. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(Rightio... Because WE'RE the sickos, keep deluding yourself Tara)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **(Can you talk in a shy voice? I thought being shy was murmuring and perhaps not saying anything)**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **(My suspisions are confirmed)** although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed. **(Exclaimed? Bit over-enthusiastic)**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(He was grumbling a minute ago.)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **(I'm begining to think this Harry Potter has violent mood swings)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(And so does Tara...)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(Yes... go away with a boy you barely know for a "surprise"**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.** (Seriously?) **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!**(Oh Dear, shes had a nationality transplant. Guten Tag Tara)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS** (She worships headlice?)**! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes** (How.. Poetic)**. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.**(You really are self centered..)** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively **(I would like to see this...)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Extremly)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **(Is it the Dark Mark? Will she have some semblance of Canon?)** It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **(And so ones hopes were dashed)**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(Oh how witty and sharped tongued Ebony is)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **(Heh.. At least shes stuck to the Wizarding worlds trandition for names like You-Know-Who** **and The-Boy-Who-Lived) **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(First of all.. Snape let her get away with this... and shes doing because of a Tattoo? Something removable... Considering you and Draco did it on the first date, I doubt hes never been with anyone else. Use those brains you claim to have)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok!** (is that like Flossing?)** if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(Oh how the Noble and Wealthy House of Malfoy has fallen, its become a typical Council Estate Soap Opera)**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses **(What is it with coloured contacts?)** on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on** (Kinda defeats the objective really.)**. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **(ZOMG! KIDNAPPED BY DENTISTS!) **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **(Why does she have nightmares about it.. When she was adopted and grew up in blissfull ignorance of her real parents, and henceforth had no idea what happened to them)** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin **(Slytherin gets such a bad rep. Not all of them are evil) **now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **(Loving the formal Language)** Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **(Jeez, shes added 2+2 and got -1)**

Everyone gasped. **(Why does anyone care?)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **(So this is Draco's POV? Well it helps develop most stories showing from a different perspective..)**for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep ** (Mudblood... Couldn't resist.)**.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.** (We've established that Harry, I refuse to call you Vampire.)**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **(Malpropism)** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox** (Somehow I'm not surprised)**! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers **(Dumbledore swears in the movie? Is that in like the Deleted scenes?)**! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian** (I can't imagine Snape turning up at my door with a bible)** and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(Oh how Romantic and not slutty at all)**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **(You already killed the suspense you had going by saying.. Gee.. "Like Voldemort" in the line before)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" **(A REAL SPELL.. Kinda.. Its called the Imperious Curse, but the incantation is Imperio)** and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" **(The large Orange cat lept from Ebony's wand and was hurtling through the air toward Voldemort, it attacked him viciously, with a quick and deft swipe of his claws the unsuspecting half kneazle slit a major artery in Voldemort's neck, he fell to the ground, bleeding profusely, and with in seconds he was dead. Crookshanks looked at his acomplishment, and a single human phrase echoed through his feline brain, "In for a penny, in for a pound" he lept at Ebony, claws out ready to attack, he scratched and scratched, the magic of his ancestors the pure Kneazles surfaced in the fact Ebony's wounds didn't close, eventually, Ebony fell to the ground, and met her end in the same way as Voldemort, the spell over Hogwarts was lifted, everyone returned to normal and Crookshanks, The-cat-who-destroyed-the-Dark-Lord-and-Ebony-Darkness-Dementia-Way was celebrated as a hero throughout the land... or not) **I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist **(A Sadist doesn't feel anything when they torture people) **so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(Voldemort talks in Olde English, how quaint)**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(Your brain is working at a speed us mere mortals cannot begin to comprehend)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(DEATH TO MUGGLES AND ALL THEY STAND FOR! Except Guns they are awesome!)**"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded **(Love to see this)** look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." **(Telepathic. Telekenesis is moving shiz with your mind. Its called Legilimency anyway in the Harry Potter World.)** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(Act like nothing happened)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **(Ok-ay)**

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **(Wha...)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(Walking AND making out!)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags **(Homophobe)** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle **(She wasn't a muggle, she was a muggleborn)** afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort **(In Soviet Russia, Wand Curse You)** all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR** (I don't know much about modern music, I much prefer 80s stuff, but aren't Skipknot screamy, and the other two completely different styles despite being the same genre... Bet its a bigger earache to listen to than Dubstep)**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **(Original)** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid** (Wtf?)**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s **(You did write it, you just put mildly annoying dashes inbetween the letters, besides your not REALLY a vampire Tara)** (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak** (GET BACK! I have SIRLOIN!)**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride** (Thats not depressing, slightly dark, but not depressing..)**. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(ORLY?)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **(Its time to do.. the Agnst Dance!)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **(^_^ She used their names!)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **(Must have been painful)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(Yes, it is beneath the Malfoy family to swear, and he wouldn't know what a poser is, and he'd call her a mudblood. Hes more subtle in his insults)**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **(Blegh, Lucius must be suicidal, and Abraxus must be spinning like a top in his grave)**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(Awww, no pottymouthed Dumbles)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."** (Right... this despite the fact in this very chapter you said he can't die by slitting his wrists?)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus** (Really? )**! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **(Its a wonder you have any friends at all really, even for a Mary Sue your a bitch)** and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **(I'd get that checked out)** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume **(So... she jumped and put a Linkin Park song on in mid air?)**. I grabbed a steak **(NOT THE RUMP!)** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings **(I am so glad there is no Hot Topic in England. So so glad)**. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating **(Thats it "Loopin" grind those teeth)** to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **(Slytherin dorms are in the dungeons... They must be on those pesky underground brooksticks)**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it **(You just spent 4 excruciating lines describing what your wearing, Drama Queen)**. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!"**(And a Rabbit appeared out of Snape's robes.. and then instantly died)** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **(Eww)**. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **(Wow, unlimited ammo)** times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **(Whaaa? Why is he yelling now? Are they dead?)** he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **(I don't know whats funnier, Hagrid on a broom, or a dude running round with one between his legs)** and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little **(LMAO!)** Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(Satanism is rampant in Hogwarts, no wonder the Dursleys hate Wizards... Speaking of which, they'll get a shock when Harry comes home for summer)**

"This cannot be." Snap said **(He is one tough cookie, surviving being shot a "Gazillion" times) **in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **(He sounds almost like Snape)**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **(Tara Shush, Hagrid is telling everyone why hes a Satanist)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **(Facepalm. For the most intelligent marauder...)**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this? **(Doing what?)**" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(I don't even want to know)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(None of that made sense)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(Does such a thing exist?)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **(Yeah, because hes not just told everyone he is a Satanist like, 4 minutes ago)**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Does everyone love or lust after her in some way?)**

**Jesus, this was the most excruciating chapter yet. I think my brain is imploding.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **(I am so glad I'm English if thats true)** how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric **(In the wonderful world of Tara, dead people come back to life) **ok!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him** (For gods sake. Why would it make any difference, you've been slitting your wrists for nearly every single chapter and yet, much to my dismay you continue to live)**. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! **(Harry Potter talked in Text Speak?) **NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(Wasn't your scar gone?)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." **(-Weeps- Why? Poor, innocent Harry, why did he have to become this) **he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"** (AHHHHH The mental image! IT BURNS)**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists.** (You've never been to the nurse before.. And Harry stopped you from slitting remember?)** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **(Fruity ;))** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.** (Finally, something mildly logical)** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. **(Lol, Read that sentence again, its exactly what you thought) **I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **(Cute)**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you."**(But.. But.. Your coffin is pink? Actually, now I think about it, didn't they have sex in Ebony's room earlier? So they did it in a Coffin? Creepy)** I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(Obviously not, despite the fact they look like roses)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **(Silly Ebony, Flowers can't be goths) **I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **(Whats that?)** made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)** (Yes.)** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **(What in gods name?)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **(All bow before Ebony's sage wisdom)**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"**(Right... So something to do with My Chemical Romance, and then some fake wapanese at the end?)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **(Why didn't he just float the flame in? Or put it in a jar like Hermionie)**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(I don't know what he is, I really don't. But he is NOT Draco Malfoy)**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)**(Ha. How hilarious)** u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **(-Giggles- She is such a 8-Year old with knowledge of swear words)**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **(What the hell did he lie about? Was it the cake? Because we all knew there was no cake. The Cake is a lie!)**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **(Please.. God... Kill... Me...)**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **(OMFG THAT WAS FRICKIN' HILARIOUS TARA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.** (Tee Hee, they study Hair, hes gonna be a professional pet groomer)** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. ** (Lol, and she claims not to be a slut)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **(Well why do it in front of everyone else?)**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him **(Darling, it was just as much you as it was him)**. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved **(Past Tense)** Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Didn't this already happen?)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **(Deja vú)**


	13. Chapter 13

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **(Oh Ho Ho, do I sense a rift between the two greatest of friends)**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **(Trouble in Paradise)**

**(The stuff up there was supposed to be at the bottom of last chapter, but my Wordpad fails, wish I still had Office :'()**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **(Thats nice, stealing your friends stuff)**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **(Ahem, Ms. Fearless Sadist)**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **(I'll come running, just to see you again. Winter, Spring, Summer or Autumn all you gotta do is call)**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **(He must have a headache)**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **(He only laughed, I'm sure loads of people have evils laughs through no fault of their own. And I bet some of them are really nice.)**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away **(Its like a retarded Manipulative!Dumbledore)**. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(Even if you do, you don't have a chance with them.)**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **(Bit of Conjuctivitis)** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **(Well, Harry has quite the spell arsenal)**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **(Oh dear, Voldie has converted to Islam.)**

It was….. Voldemort! **(Well you are in his lair, who were you expecting, Santa?)**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists **(Oh how horrible for you, I think you should have some time off writing, preferably forever)**. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **(Tee Hee, what can Tara write thats scary?)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric **(Didn't you say in one of your A/N that Cedric was alive?)** was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail **(Hey, its an improvement on Wormtail, Peter is moving up in the world!)** was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **(Okay...)** he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **(Shouldn't he be bleeding out on the floor)** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **(Thats not Love, its Lust)** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **(Didn't anyone teach her its rude to swear?)** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart t. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **(Lamest. Death. Scene. Ever.)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! **(Well if I heard some gun shots, then someone screaming and running round before a thunk as they hit the ground I'd come investigate too) **We could hear his high heels clacking to us **(Cross Dressing Voldemort, Whoopee! Dude looks like a Lady!)**. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw **(I've just been kidnapped, tortured to within an inch of my life and probably have multiple injuries, but I'm so Frickin' Horny!)**. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **(... No)** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(TMI!)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **(Agnst Dance time!)**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **(Oh hes such a charmer.)**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked.** (Doesn't mean they Love you)** Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me **(You killed him, one problem solved)**! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **(Coulda fooled me)** "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" **(MARY SUE AGNST AT -Checks Time- 22:18!) **I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **(Flames at the READY!) **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. **(Weren't you sad before?)**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **(You had sex with Harry too. Hypocrite)** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **(Is that going to be significant?)** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire **(MARYLIN MANSON? SEXY?)**. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC **(God your more branded than a TV show on MTV)** watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. **(I'm going to book a plane ticket, go to America and BURN HOT TOPIC!)** Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(My Last Biology lesson was Habitats... Does she mean Transfiguration?)** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **(Doesn't that mean there will be two Dracos?)**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **(STFU PLEASE!)** Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson **(So bloody awful then?)** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **(What if your a straight boy?)**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **(More of the classic Ebony charm) **(that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **(Hold the phones. What were you doing seeing a RomCom, with Hilary Duff in, when your supposed to be an extreme goth basking in darkness and shiz?)**Then we went away holding hands. Loopin **(Who now teaches Biology/Transfiguration... I miss the teacher Tara affectionatly titled "McGoggle")**shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **(What about the "preps"?** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then.** (Again? And that is short notice. Free Million Pound Giveaway. Right now. Oops you missed it.)** We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis!**(Disharmony in the relationship)** Raven wtf u bich ur suposd **(She might have stopped betaing because you called her a bitch? Just a hunch)** to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played **(Not Again)**. We ran in happly. MCR **(Aren't Good Charlotte playing?)** were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. **(By now, you know what I think of her dress sense)** Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **(ROCK ON VOLDIE! Not only has he started a band, he can play the same as My Chemical Romance!)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **(Whaaaa?) **I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **(What the hell is going on now?)**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **(Sex? You've been doing it for the whole story, why the sudden aversion)**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. **(My comment still stands)**

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **(Oooh, Bad Ass)**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" **(She is really getting irritaiting.)** I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **(Because he doesn't want to fuck you, hes a prep?)**

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **(He just said no.)**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **(Its like High School Musical, with screamy bands)**

I was flattened **(So you're dead? DING DONG EBONY/ENONY/EVONY/EBONDY/ENOBY IS DEAD THE WICKED EBONY/ENONY/EVONY/EBONDY/ENOBY DING DONG THE WICKED EBONY/ENONY/EVONY/EBONDY/ENOBY IS DEEAAAAAAAD! Or not)** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to."** (Why)** I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl."**(Heh, Nice to meet you too fellow worker)** she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **(Way to burn bridges Tara)**

"It serves that fuking bich **(Latin for Generosity, go South Park)** right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **(Yes... Disney films... Very depressing)** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **(Someone send Hermionie and Lupin to Azkaban. Its for their own good)**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **(Well Tara has broken the laws of physics.) **for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **(How... Preppy?)**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **(Oh I am so glad they only exist across the pond)**

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **(Your the biggest Prep/Poser of the lot)**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!) **(You fucked him like.. 3 or 4 chapters ago)**. Or me. **(Well, you can rule yourself out I think)**

"Dumblydore." **(Hes getting down with the kids)** She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. **(They've become a regular occurence then? Well there has been 3 in the space of about.. 2 weeks or something)** The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(Bgahhh?)** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers **(I think.. hes being sarcastic toward Hermionie and Ebony)** ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **(Because you know every single person's possessions)**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **(Or Maybe, just maybe. They wanted a Camera Pouch)** I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **(Shes practicing for her career after Hogwarts. Lady of Lesiure ;))**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **(Even though I'll get fired)** Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"

"Tom **(Marvolo)** Rid." **(Lmao. I am** **Lod Vodemort)**He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. **(His hair is naturally black)**"maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **(He wasn't asking you out. He just said he was going)** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, **(Your so self centered it hurts)** Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **(Hagrid has so many personality changes, must be hard for him to keep up)**


	17. Chapter 17

**It's been a long time since I even thought about this little read through I was doing, but I recently got a review in my inbox and as I have an excess of free time while waiting to start Uni I have decided to give it another go.**

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it!**(Well, at least she's to the point)** u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! **(The spelling is actually worse than I remember)** pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Oh yeah, they we're having a row about a sweater!)**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **(Don't you have enough clothes? You change them like 4 times a day)** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily. **(Wasn't Hagrid cool not long ago? I thought he brought roses that turned into a flame or some other such crap.)**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **(I think that's literally the only Japanese word she knows) **

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything.**(Don't suck up! Stand your ground; it's your one thing! You take your sweater back for 'Goffs' everywhere!)** She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **(Not particularly attractive)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." **(I forget… Was that Ron?)** she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2 **(I miss Harry, when's Harry coming back. Also is anyone not hot or sexy at all times in this Fanfic?)**. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower.**(Dafuq?)** B'loody Mart **(For all your Vampire Shopping needs!)** was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires **(Kidnapping at birth is endemic in the wizarding world apparently.**. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin **(Fairly sure Slytherin now has half of the school in their house)** now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **(I honestly don't get that one at all… Can someone explain?) **that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed. **(Dun Dun Duuuuhhhh)**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **(I'm not sure what to write about that but I have reached the conclusion that Mr. Way need to be in some kind of witness protection)** We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **(Familiar…..)** So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **(Wow! Are they like Antony and the Ants? Awesome!)**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **(Didn't you want to die together earlier?)**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **(Voldie is going Old Skool!)**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **(I can actually imagine Dumbledore wearing that getup, he always has been a little.. unusual in the clothes department.)**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **(They didn't listen the first 16 times I doubt they're gonna start now)** if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! **(Aww, I was enjoying the saga of the stolen sweater)** ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **(I hate Tara and her descriptions so much. Also note the spelling is always better in the longwinded descriptions of clothes… I smell a conspiracy…)**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff **(Uh Huh, Broom stuff…)** was blood-red. There was lace all over it **(That would seriously affect aerodynamic performance)**. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what **(I don't know what, you've never actually elaborated, you just say you-know-what, which to me sounds like Voldemort's less successful Twin Brother) **to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant **(They painted the whole place pink, and then black. That's dedication folks.)**. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **(Are they posers? I don't think they actually pretend to be goths. I formally dispute your statement ma'am!)**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. **(Must burn clothes…) **Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. **(Right… I can't actually remember who Dracula is… There are all merging into one character due to an absence of personality.)** We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong **(Omg. I've actually heard of him! I'm not a poser after all. I am GOFFIK!)**. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **(Oh Yeah! Neville was Dracula, I remember now, Car crash or something) **was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation **(He is using foundation correctly at least)** and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" **(Spelt right and everything)** we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **(Voldemort is intimidated by dark clothing, good to note for future reference)**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **(That sounds surprisingly Dumbledoreish)**

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **(There's no pleasing some people)**

"BTW you can call me Albert." **(He has a lot of names, maybe he just forgot about Albert until that exact moment)** HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **(Crying blood with Jealousy… I see that all the time) **but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **(It's a bit late for that)**

I was so fucking angry. **(Oh God… Batten down the hatches)**


End file.
